I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
and you fell through a lawn chair
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Never underestimate the power of titties
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
