we made out on top of his cat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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