unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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