I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just threw up on my dentist
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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