His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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