I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
