Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Randomize
