I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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