u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
