i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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