bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
