If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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