Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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