his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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