Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it hurts more in the daytime
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
