We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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