We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
