u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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