hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Found your dick twin last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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