If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
