Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
