I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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