It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
