I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
