i can't believe i had my finger in that
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
