I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
