If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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