my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
