Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
