God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
