I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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