Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
