Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
