he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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