Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
