I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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