Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You are the jesus of drinking
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
