so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i came on her dog
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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