I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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