i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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