i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
