Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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