I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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