You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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