since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
