New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
