I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i came on her dog
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
