this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
