i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
