did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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