I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
