My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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