Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
