he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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