She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
