I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
