Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
