Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
