im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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