He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You need a sexual gate keeper
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
dude. I can hear the air.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
