Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
