Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
