I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Boobs speak an international language.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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