So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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