he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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