I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
