this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
