THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You ruined the universe
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
