we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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