Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
