My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
