I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
And then he peed in my hair
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