Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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