Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
