yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just tell him i said nine months
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
