I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
