i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
