you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
