Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
