i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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