lets start a swedish sibling band together
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
