He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
