Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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