If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize