I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
