I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
