I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
