R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
