Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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