hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize