I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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