What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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