The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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