You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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